Beating Self Conscious Anxiety and Fear
We all know what it’s like to be afraid of something in the present moment or anxious about something in the future, such as getting your dental checkup or speaking in front of a large crowd. Fear and anxiety are our bodies’ natural responses to be on high alert.
As someone who is more self conscious, fear and anxiety may occur with greater intensity and/or frequency given how the mind is programmed. Patterns begin to form when it comes to fear and anxiety as a result, and these patterns can pose a problem.
How do we avoid falling prone to the circular pattern of breaking free of our anxiety and fear-ridden tendencies, only to fall back into them once again? Here are a couple of strategies and methods to help you out:
Be Specific with Your Preconceptions
Anxiety is largely anticipatory in nature and based on vague notions that others will not like you or that something bad will happen. As this pattern of behavior is repeated over and over again, the worst-case scenario becomes further ingrained into our psychology.
However, what if you asked yourself who exactly wouldn’t like you or what exactly is it that you fear could happen in a certain situation? This pinpointed analysis serves to de-catastrophize the situation and make it much less frightening than preconceived.
By more specifically analyzing your fears and worries, you allow yourself the opportunity to take that leap in the midst of the moment in spite of the anxiety. Sure, the anxiety meter will be buzzing and flashing off at first, but it will naturally start to decline in intensity the longer you stay connected to the moment.
Controlling Your Attention
When you’re feeling self conscious and anxious, we tend to focus our attention completely inward on the anxiety-ridden behavior and negative thoughts that automatically come with the territory. Paradoxically, we engulf ourselves in our own self-created negative image and wish to separate ourselves from that very image, even though in doing so we actually end up growing even more attached to it.
By focusing our attention on this negative image, we only pose greater harm to ourselves by developing a bias towards all the negatives. Over time, this balloons up out of control as that attentional bias then is placed on how we perceive others to perceive us as individuals.
The vicious cycle begins and ensues from that point onward where we dismiss every little, and even potentially big, positive signs directed our way in place for all the negative signs. This completely throws our objectivity out of the question when we need it most.
Turning your attention outward instead of inward is the key to breaking this cycle. Weird how most, including myself time and time again in this blog, would suggest it’s all about focusing internally.. well you have my permission to disregard that for now!
When we shift our focus to our surroundings, we’ll often notice how people might actually be positively receiving us or not paying any attention to us at all. Similarly, we may notice that there are other individuals who are just as nervous - go join them and share company together!
The more you practice shifting your focus from within to your surroundings, you’ll soon realize how much control of your attention you have and how that can dramatically impact your mood and psyche.
Embrace the Law of Averages
Most self conscious, anxious, fearful behaviors stems from the idea that we have to be perfect. But I’d like to pose a more specific question: Is it actually about being perfect or something else?
Speaking from personal experience, I can say that the behavior is actually rooted in the idea of not being enough rather than being perfect. No matter the situation or circumstance, it’s truly an all or nothing game we’ve set up for ourselves where failure, unfortunately, seems inevitable.
Why don’t we lower the high bar we’ve set for ourselves and, dare I say, try to be normal and average? No one is going to raise the alarm bells over an awkward silence or a strand of hair being out of place.
Playing a bit of devil’s advocate here, I know that there might be an argument that says that the legendary people we look up to for inspiration seem to have this ideal of perfection down. Well, in fact, that’s quite the contrary when you dig deeper into their journeys and stories and hear how they go through life with similar thoughts and experiences to yourself.
Embracing the law of averages doesn’t mean you just settle for something less worthwhile; rather, it’s the daring thought to be normal, which will help you relax into your own skin and skills as your own personality and self shine through.
Hopefully those strategies will help you become less self conscious and live a life of less anxiety and fear. Speaking from personal experience, I know it isn’t just going to be a matter of a “light switch” moment and that it takes time and intentional effort to accomplish.
Having said that, it’s important to realize that you do not have to go through this process alone; there are countless people that have gone through, or are currently going through, a similar journey. Reach out and form a support group with those like-minded individuals!
Similarly, you can try therapy to provide yourself with a safe space and environment to walk through strategies and techniques to help bring about the desired positive mindset. Therapists can help you work through mental blocks and limiting beliefs you never even realized you had.
No matter how you go about it, I hope these strategies will provide a launch pad for you to finally embrace a less socially conscious life filled with less anxiety and fear. It’s definitely quite the journey to embrace but one that is worth the time and effort. I can’t wait to see how you’ll completely transform yourself and look and feel as exuberant as the girl in the picture down below!
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” – William James
