Forgiving Yourself and Others
One of the toughest things to grapple with in life is forgiveness. We’ve all been in a situation when we’ve been let down, either by someone else or ourselves. We often beat ourselves up for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years on end for the perceived offense or personal flaw. The stinging pain is deeply rooted within our being the more we ruminate on it. To that end, we lose so much time in a resentful or sorrowful state that causes an inconceivable amount of damage on our well-being, psyche, and relationships.
Forgiveness is the medicine for this, but how do we approach it after hurting for so long? The first step is to forgive yourself for not being as open to forgiveness in the first place! Weird thought, huh? I say this because we’ve been conditioned since birth that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. Strength and power are the social currency everyone covets, but they only take away from your ability to unlock the untapped, true power within that is forgiveness.
In order to become more forgiving with yourself and with others, it’s important to note that forgiveness is the act and the ability to stop feeling sorry, resentful, vindictive, etc. towards yourself or someone else for a mistake. As a result, forgiveness can be largely equated with compassion since compassion is the act of actively reaching out to alleviate suffering. Forgiveness has that same effect. By building a compassionate mindset and environment, you’ll prime yourself to be more open to forgiveness and empathy.
What is that “untapped, true power within” that I alluded to earlier if you open yourself to forgive others and yourself more? That power is an increase in our own self-esteem and sense of inner safety and strength. We can use this benefit of forgiveness to allow others to open themselves up to seeing their own selves and others for who they truly are, because, at the end of the day, that’s what forgiveness is truly all about.
So I urge you to, above all else, start with your own self and forgive yourself for your past. No one is perfect, but that’s what makes like perfect. When we choose to acknowledge and accept own past wrongdoings, whether just perceived or actually in conflict with certain values, we allow the emotional pain to heal. Through that emotional healing process, something wonderful emerges where you’re able to find meaning in suffering and grow more empathetic for others, no matter how different you may be.
To shed further light on the power of forgiving yourself and others, I’ve decided to provide commentary on a couple of relevant quotes.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” - Mahatma Gandhi
This hits home strong personally since I used to be in the former bucket and thought that that was the true sign of strength. As the years went on, I started realizing how destructive it was to be unforgiving to both myself and others. Your health starts to deteriorate and you enter this psychological space that goes in direct opposition with the values you want to live up to. It’s a scary thought how deep you can get in the midst of this idea of “power” now that I look back upon it, but I’m glad to have learned from that entire moment in my life.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli
Letting go… ugh was this something that took me forever to come to grips with, and I’m still grappling with the idea to this day. At the core, it’s about relinquishing the power of control and letting things move freely and to their own frequency. I noticed how influential letting go would be in terms of relationships after listening to a podcast that framed the idea so delicately - I even wrote a post on it recently and you can check that out here if you’re interested.
“True forgiveness is when you can say, ‘Thank you for that experience.’” - Oprah
Don’t you just love Oprah? Putting a positive spin on any negative experience you’ve been through is a great mentality to continue developing yourself personally. I’ve often asked myself why did I have to go through certain traumatizing experiences but found it so much healthier to look back upon those same experiences from a grateful and growth oriented mindset.
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
Building up the forgiveness muscle - it helps your own well-being to incorporate a consistent forgiveness practice. You can do so slowly by stripping away acts of harm, such as resentful or disparaging acts. You don’t need to replace them with outright kind efforts all the time, but by refraining from negativity, you’ll find a more forgiving and loving heart that accepts and recognizes everyone’s unique humanity.
“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing world.” - Marianne Williamson
Healing is so often pushed to the side throughout our lifetimes. I’m personally gratified to see the world slowly starting to rally around everyone’s mental health and ensuring that we check in with ourselves and each other more. I’ve had numerous conversations with friends, and we’re all starting to learn more deeply about our insecurities and accepting them for what they are and how they ultimately make our unique existences beautiful. By engrossing yourself in this practice, you’re then able to share your experience of self healing with others in order to pave the way for them to feel comfortable and safe to do so themselves in their own time.
I hope you found all these quotes enriching your very soul and being and that they show you the power of forgiveness - both to yourself and to others. Free up the bitterness in your heart with love and repeat it over and over again with as many people as you can. This is the kind of transformation that will provide for a legacy of love that will far extend yourself, and the generations to come after you will thank you for it.
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” - Paul Boose
