Warmth and comfort - something everyone desires for the most part. But turn that coin upside down and find the dusty, more unseen side of reality. It's where near emptiness meets life when you least expect it. That's what I've seen as a result of undying passion and fervor that stems from the deep abyss of a not so trusting base.

Pulling from deep within, I've found that there is a lot of misunderstanding of what we perceive versus what our mind and gut want us think. We all get so caught up in everything with our day to day tasks and jobs that we often forget why it is what we are doing. Never do we give ourselves the chance to stop and think, "Is all of this true and feels right?" It all becomes a race when the gun goes off and you keep your peripherals in check to make sure that we are chasing after what seems right. But how do you really know what is and feels right when you can't even keep the mind focused on one out of an infinite number of lanes?

That's when you start to realize everything and either take another step forward or an infinite number back. Your sense and ability to trust gets shattered within when, in reality, it stemmed externally. You might be wondering where all this nonsense might be coming from, but let it be known that this has all readily occurred on a personal level within some past 2 years with it really dialing up in the past 2.5 months. Yes, an epiphany struck me deep and has made everything change, for good and for bad. That is all when this cold madness concept came into play, and oh boy did it really make for an interesting tale I must admit.

This idea of a cold madness encapsulating oneself is something that readily occurs I've realized for a lot of people and isn't as peculiar as was once thought. In short, it is a confusing state of mind and being that creates a source of fiery thoughts and actions that really takes a toll towards your evolution. That may come across as quite negative, and, in all honesty, it isn't the greatest state of being in the world by any means. But it is one that really gets you to stop and think about every little detail and facet of your life that has amalgamated to present day. It's like, as my Corporate Finance professor would like to put it, "peeling away at the onion" and "thinking like a freak".  In the midst of having your body "freeze" up in this state, you end up driving through "madness" like never before. It causes you to think, act, emote, react, engage, etc. differently as a result of further clarity given an reformed working base or starting back from square one if that's the case.

The best part about going through cold madness is the serenity that comes with it from time to time. I cannot express how soothing and peaceful it has been at times to just randomly be out and about at 3 or 4 AM and take in the stillness from within and outside. Now it's pretty cold around that hour of the night up here in Berkeley but that's when most of the desired warmth fills me up. Through it all though, it gives an outlet for a lot of pent up stuff for individuals so that they can reset when every other time in our livelihoods doesn't.

I find the struggle between the outlet and inner cage to be quite interesting in terms of how you go about balancing the two. I've talked about it before with how things naturally always come into balance but I never really gave thought to the idea of things taking an eternity to balance out, in which case you find balance in imbalance actually. That happens with cold darkness, or at least it did for me, and it is actually refreshing to see it be the case. Everything needs to follow an ideal and go exactly according to a set out blueprint, but this time it feels so right for it not to do so. It's a weird feeling that I cannot really fully describe in words, but it really makes you wonder if falling is actually a form of standing upright.

If there is anything that has come out of this whole state, it is that there is further understanding of truth and feeling that once was not there. Understanding, both internally and externally, makes a whole world of a difference when you start tackling things again after this cold madness takes over. It makes you irrational and out of line at times, but there is true beauty in letting that be the norm for a while in order to normalize back to your original self, even if that is still irrational and out of line to a much lesser degree. If you don't believe me, just take it from here to learn exactly what it is that I mean. I'll just spare you a synopsis and let you take what it is you may from this: "You spoke about passion. When someone is passionate about something and doesn't get it, he spends a lifetime going mad chasing it. There's one mad man standing in front of you. There is no place here for another mad person. So pick up your camera, fulfill your passion and leave."

Now I know you guys may be thinking why bother experiencing this state of mind when you can likely just bypass it and be fine. It isn't about the fact that you may suffer from confusion, sorrow, or lack of trust for a while that I'm trying to highlight here, though it may and is even likely to occur so I just wanted to give the full picture of the story. Rather, it is the inner peace, clarity, and understanding of self and direction that comes out of this state and process that makes it all worthwhile in the end. I mean nothing great ever amounts from just constant sanity; otherwise, I guess the world has deceived me all along and taken me for a ride then.