Small Defining Moments
Isn’t it funny how quickly things change in retrospect? We all grow up colored with the perspective of our families, social circles, digital media, etc. to mold and shape our outlook for a positive tomorrow. Young adulthood enters upon us, and then reality and pragmatism cloud parts of the initial outlook that was formed in our adolescence. It’s only a matter of time until the world drops subtle hints, if you allow it to, on your lap if you stick firm and persistent to your original outlook.
For many of you who likely don’t know, I have been working on a few side projects that I’m excited to be taking on with greater focus towards the end of this year. The only issue, as is the case with anybody else, with taking on such side projects with greater intensity is the lingering ideas of doubt and failure. It’s about confronting what I’ve once popularly captioned an embarrassing social media post of mine: “No one knows the future.” If you’re like me, certainty is a prized asset that we take for a commodity given the way we grew up, framed our perceptions of the world, and eventually found our places in it. Unfortunately, or fortunately for some, there comes a time and place that proves pivotal when and where you have to ultimately unfetter yourself from the uncertainty and just make a decision for yourself. It isn’t easy, but it’s made easier when you are clear with your life priorities and let life throw some experiences that push you towards that decision if it’s truly meant to be.
Starting off with the life priorities: Oh boy.. do I wish I had this down a lot earlier but am glad I took initiative on this sooner than later. For those of you out there who are confused and having a tough time making decisions, whether small or big, I have developed a five pillared approach to understanding your life values/priorities that should hopefully help guide and facilitate your tough decision making processes going forwrd. The five pillars are:
Relationships
Health
Career
Finances
Impact/Growth
The relationships pillar will comprise of all your life relationships. Take stock of your relationships within your social circle, with your family, with your career/business, and with your romantic life. Think about what you truly value the most in a relationship and assess your current relationships to see if they uphold to those same values. You’d be surprised at how much you might be cheating yourself.
The health pillar will encompass your physical health, mental health, and relationships with respect to food and sleep. We take this pillar for granted thinking that we can tend to it later on down the road. I could go on for hours about health, but if anything, take the current environment we are living in to open your eyes to this pillar. Health should be viewed as a way to further enhance all other areas of your life rather than taking away from others in a push-pull framed type of mindset.
The career pillar will be as simple as understanding where you are professionally and where you would like to be professionally in the future, whether that be in terms of title, pay, industry, etc. When you think about your current career, it will be a central component that the four other pillars will have to draw back from in some shape or form. Valuing simplicity, I believe in approaching this area by asking myself if I would still be in my profession if everything came crashing down all of a sudden and it was all that I was left with.
The finances pillar is arguably the hardest pillar to face but it will be helpful in assessing your savings, investment, personal ambitions/interests, and retirement goals and structuring a financial plan around each of those goals. This is by far the greatest blocker that we all will face at some point. All the other pillars take a good deal of planning, but it takes a greater focus towards planning for your financial goals by painstakingly assessing your current financial state and making the necessary changes.
The impact/growth pillar is the last pillar and the one I constantly think about the most. Assess your entire life and take account for areas for personal growth and areas in which you can provide societal impact. I’ve always been a proponent for striving for a life that provides both personal growth as well as a community influence. The best way to think of your own vision for impact/growth is to form an underlying idea, a thesis if you will, that will drive your life journey’s argument. Continue to tweak that thesis as you see fit as you continue to discover more about yourself.
In my phone, I have a note that details each of these five pillars and my current standing in relation to all of them with respect to where I would like my life to be with regards to each pillar. The best part about this exercise is that it allows you to confront your weak points, but at the same time, it is merely just a snapshot in time. Your goals and priorities for each of these pillars will likely change as you move throughout life, and that’s the beauty of the changeability of this model. By going through this exercise for the first of two cathartic moments, I was able to get to a place where making tough decisions is a simpler task since the thought process is no longer drawn out like it was beforehand with my “always-on” brain and indecisiveness; the thought process is minimized down to its bare bones since the structure of the five pillars exercise already has the built in answer for you without rummaging through the clutter in your mind. And, as mentioned earlier, it’s funny how timing works out eerily once you de-clutter your mind.
On an early Sunday morning this last March, I decided to go play some pick-up soccer, after massaging my body with a massage gun like this and drinking a classic yerba mate, at a field nearby my apartment. It was going great and all with my exuberance with a ball at my feet shining on a Sunday morning, albeit I rolled my ankle quite badly but continued to play #MambaMentality. Then bam! The other team kicks the ball wide of the goal and the ball is fast moving towards the direction of a boy, who is probably no older than eight years old, and his head. This boy matrix-ed out of the way of the ball like none other; all of us adults on the field gave kudos to the kid and his dad. A moment or two later, I found the referee standing next to me and exchanging pleasantries with our conversation going a little something like this:
Ref: “Man that kid definitely has something in him.”
Shad: “Yeah, he’s probably training to replace Keanu Reeves.”
*we both laugh*
Ref: “I’m 60 years old and I’ve seen a thing or two in my time, but that kid definitely has it.”
Shad: “Yeah, he definitely does.”
Ref: “Most people don’t have true courage in life to go for it, but that kid I’m sure will have it.”
Shad: “Yeah, I think so too.”
Ref: “How old are you son? Must be about half my age me telling you this.”
Shad: “I’m 23.”
Ref: “Oh, you’re a third of my age?!”
We both started cracking up and embraced one another. I felt bad making him feel much older than me now. It’s funny how unoriginal this idea is in a vacuum, though it still resonated deeply in the moment. What made this interchange so profound for me was the fact that you could see three generations tied to this statement all at once. I saw my eight year old smiling, always talking self, my current 23 year old self, and a hazy version of what I would look like as a senior citizen - quite the scary and exciting visual - as I time traveled for a moment vicariously through that boy and the referee. Not much seemed to change from present day to seniorhood if I’m honest though, maybe a little less hair if anything.
Something I’ve started to take on with greater awareness is of the “silent taps” on one’s shoulder and the pattern in which these moments come. Harking back to the five pillars, once I developed a clearer vision of what I’d like out of each pillar, I started seeing a greater frequency of these moments happening to me. If we allow ourselves to better listen to these taps on the shoulder moments, and in life in general, we can harness and unveil all of our true underlying unique abilities and greatness. Take a liking to intently listening to these cathartic beats when they present themselves.
To Entertain. To Inspire. To Motivate. Time to take that to the next level. And to end off, please take care of yourselves during these unprecedented times by staying home as much as you can and thanking all the healthcare professionals putting their lives on the line to protect everyone’s livelihood. Lend a helping hand to your neighbors, reconnect with friends and loved ones, and start creating a life that speaks to your cathartic beats.
“ Just decide! And then from that point the universe is going to get out your way. It's water, it wants to move and go around stuff. There's a flow of the universe that I've grown to know just how to go with it.” - Will Smith
